Fi gets fifty

I'm always joking with my girls. They're pretty wise to me, but my humor can be "dry" (to put it charitably) and they don't always necessarily know when I'm serious and when I'm not. Sometimes when I tell them to do something they don't want to do they will ask, "Daddy are you JOKING??!" hoping that I am.

Last night, at Burger King, as Daddy ate his gross raw food meal while the girls enjoyed their mac n cheese kids' meals, fries, o-rings, and half a veggie burger each, I shoveled up a nice big gross spoonful of hummus and avocado and said, "I'll give one of you fifty bucks if you eat this." I expected them both to laugh and say no, but I was immediately worried, because Fiona was clearly thinking about it. Finally, she said, "No, I value my life more than money".

I said, "What?...What do you mean? Do you seriously think this will kill you?"

She looked at me, and, quite seriously, repeated, somewhat eerily, "I value my life more than money."

I was surprised to hear such a statement coming from her--I didn't quite understand why she was saying it.

We dropped the subject. Then, a few minutes later, Fiona said, "Okay, I want to do it."

"Want to do what?" I asked, hoping she didn't mean what I thought she meant.

"I want to eat that. That stuff."

I said, "Fiona, you will throw up. Seriously. Are you sure?"

She told me she was sure and that she wouldn't throw up. So, reluctantly, I loaded up another big, gross spoonful. She took an experimental "test taste" on the tip of the spoon and then...OMG she ate the whole thing. I watched her for what seemed like minutes slowly masticate this disgusting bolus of food, barely fit for adult palates. Her reaction was mild, without so much as a look of disgust. And when she finished she simply gave me an arch glare, as if to say "pay up, Chump."

I said, "Okay, okay, um, I don't have the fifty on me, so I'll pay you later?"

"Yeah. When?"

"Um, we'll go to the bank right after this, okay?" Rhiannon looked at Fiona in awe.

"Hmmm," Fiona said and looked skeptical. "How much do you have on you?"

I counted it out. "Thirty-five."

"Okay, give me that for now." Wow, she means business. She gets that from her Mom, I think. Later, I exchanged her $35 for two twenties and a ten.

"I said, Fiona! I am so amazed and proud of you. See, you tried unfamiliar food and it didn't kill you!"

Fiona seemed unimpressed by her breakthrough, and smugly content to have a nice stash of cash for her next book purchase.

Rhiannon said, plaintively, "are you amazed and proud of me?"

"Yes, Rhiannon, I am amazed and proud of you, too," which instantly made her smile.

The cash sits in Fiona's cash box on top of a book case waiting to learn its destiny.